Morning walks .....

    Every weekday morning I wake up at 6am...which is kind of a miracle since I normally don't get to bed until 12 midnight or later. Sam is up shortly after. At 6:42am we are in the car and driving to the school so Sam can be on the bus to his Business/Tech school by 6:51am. Every day...EVERY DAY...when I get up I think to myself...'after I drop Sam off, I can go back to bed.'  By the time I get dressed, put in contact lenses, talk with Sam about the schedule for the day, drive to the school...I am awake. At this point, my thoughts turn to making the choice of where to take my morning walk. Most days, I go to a local park...very large park...with walking trails...called Winton Woods.
   There was a particular Wednesday in October that was such a morning. Even though I had heard on the radio that there might be rain moving into the area, I was committed to taking my walk. Or as my dad would call it, 'my daily constitution.' At 7am not only was the park empty, it was still dark. I love this time of day. Love hearing the animals and birds chattering their morning greetings. It is serene. It is rare these days, but I don't carry my phone, or listen to music on my walks.  For some reason, this distracts me from the beauty of the natural landscape around me.
    Off I go...fairly slow to begin, but I'm not in a race...I will slowly build my pace throughout the trail. In the center of Winton Woods is a lake that is large enough for small fishing and paddle boats. The main walking path is around the lake and over 2 bridges. I have watched deer cross my path, and a Blue Heron stand silently on rocks in the water, heard both ducks and geese call to one another through the morning fog. It is delicious.  I need this connection with nature on a daily basis. It centers me.
    I rarely take my phone with me on my walks. If it is used at all, the camera setting is chosen over all the rest. Most days, I miss the very best pictures, because I am not carrying my phone.
    Thus it was on one Wednesday in October. I set off in semi-darkness, counting my blessings along the way. As my path lead toward the main Pavilion, the sky was getting brighter. For a little while, my view was obstructed...but as I came to a plaza area which offered an open view of the eastern sky...I was delighted to see the beginnings of a brilliant sunrise.
    The rain forecast allowed for unusual cloud patterns. The golden sunrise gave pattern and depth to everything it touched. I stood still, enveloped by the deep purple night giving way to light pink, orange and yellow that could only be enhanced by the rain clouds forming overhead. Words cannot describe the unbridled beauty of nature for that moment. And it was truly only moments of this morning sun perfection.
   Within 10 minutes, this array of natures glory had already peaked and began to fade. Turning my back to the water to continue my journey, I beheld brilliant golden trees overhead. The rising sun was high enough to touch the tops of the trees and expose them to a wonder of color. Mesmerizing. Literally stopping in my tracks at the surprise of light and color. I felt as if I needed to breathe deeply and allow every sense become immersed in the moment of the scene before me.
  Again, as the sun rose higher on the horizon, the colors of the trees changed, the light became muted, I moved my feet and began my walk again. Throughout the rest of my musings that morning as I greeted fellow walkers on the trails, I thought about the significance of that sunrise. It was obvious to me that very few people had the opportunity to view those beautiful colors at the peak of it's brilliance. It amazed me how very short lived the whole experience was.
  One of the bridges over the Winton Woods lake is a combination road and walking trail. Winton Road is a major north-south thoroughfare and the commuting traffic is very heavy in the early dawn hours. Although the road opens on the bridge and there would had been a beautiful view, the concentration of traffic would impede any likely observance except for a brief glance at the sunrise.
  What I have long known, is how quickly life, patterns, goals, strategy's, opinions, and knowledge can change. When I first thought about righting this blog about my observations of that morning, I had plans to tie the brief moment of optimum color of the sunrise to my dear Young Living experiences with their farming and harvesting choices. Waiting until the precious peek at the true moment of ripeness and then swooping in to harvest then and only then...watching carefully to avoid harvesting too early or too late.
  However, the story of the sunrise is even bigger than harvesting plants. It is about knowing that each moment, choice, goal, decision has a peek moment. Even every emotion has a peek moment of complete fullness...it is the moment when you cannot go back, and, almost like a roller coaster that sits at the top of a hill, there is a time when you can only move forward. Sitting at the top is no longer an option, just as the sun cannot stop it's sunrise and must rise in the sky.
     The end of Autumn is here, winter is waiting. Ask yourself...is this the peak of this experience? is this the peak of this family gathering? is this the peak of my contribution this year? is this the very best I can do? what more can I do? what more can I say?
    And as always....love those around you- neighbors, family, friends or strangers...you may be their peak...the only moment of calm, love, friendship, patience, concern...that they feel today.

The Day Before. The Terrible Terrible Day. Days, Weeks, Months....Years.

      It is that day. THAT day. I don't know what else to call it...it is The Day Before. The Day Before my life changed. The Day Before my normal wasn't normal any more. The Day Before I knew true grief. The Day before I found out how strong one person can be.
     Four years ago tomorrow, my son died of a Heroin overdose. 4 years. ago.
    I hate this week. Usually the whole month of August sucks. 4 years. So, this year, I've managed to get through most of the summer on a pretty good note...even knowing that The Terrible Terrible Day is coming. And that I cannot stop it.
    Those of us who have been chosen to experience this in our lives...understand that the grief of losing a child never leaves you. We understand that we have to accept 'the new normal.' I kind of really hate that phrase...The New Normal. Mostly, because, nothing ever again will be...normal. Really. I mean, maybe other parents spend a considerable amount of time wondering how the rest of their children will die? wonder if we will have to live through this again? wonder why we have to continue on, even though we have no real reason? or are constantly looking for affirmations of their children in butterflies or coins on the sidewalk...Nope, I think those things are pretty much reserved for us. The grieving parents.
   I have to say, I think, really...we all want one thing. Especially as the years pass by. We just don't want our child to be forgotten. Our society is good about remembering hero's or people who have accomplished much in their lives, those that have sacrificed on our behalf. My son didn't do any of those things really. But I will tell you what he did do, who he was...Joey had an easy smile, a big no-holds-barred smile, and charisma. Lots of charisma. He made friends easily and had a great sense of humor. He was a hard worker, and didn't mind getting dirty to finish a job. He was growing up to be a great man.
     He made a fatal choice. At one point, my husband was surprised that I told people how he died. Am I embarrassed? of course I am. I am a mother...how does this not effect how I feel about myself? what kind of mother I was? what I could have done...more? In the end, I knew that it was his choice, not mine. Only this, helped my heart start to heal.
    What have I learned over the last 4 years? life is hard, and sometimes it is totally unfair. But there is always hope. And there is certainly goodness...goodness of neighbors or friends who hurt because you hurt.
     I dread and hate The Day Before. I wish The Terrible Terrible Day would never come. But it will. And after....there will always be another day, another week, another month....and I will continue to learn how to live this pseudo life. 

Lot's of thoughts...many meanderings....

  Well, here we go, the very first post. Just because I have not posted does not mean I do not have anything to say....in fact, quite the opposite is true. There are so many different post subjects swimming around in my head it is hard to settle down and write just one.
  So, on our trip to Milwaukee this weekend, I had time (about 6 hours in fact) to write script posts in my head....and settled on this...

   Growing up, my Grandpa Davis had a fruit farm. We were blessed to eat fresh apples, peaches, pears, cherries, plums and various berries throughout my childhood. As I was a self-serving child, I really didn't take much interest in exactly how this was an opportunity that many many other families did not enjoy, or even understand. Fresh fruit. Fresh...off the tree...deliciousness. To my distress, I didn't understand this blessing in my life until...the day I realized I never bought peaches from Kroger. Nope, never. Some of you right now are nodding your head in agreement....YES! hmmm...why? easy answer...they are rock hard. Why? They must be picked before they are ripe to be transported to the stores... Ugh. Travesty.
  For a period of time (I don't know how long), my grandfather sold cherries to Thank You brand to be used in pie filling. I would be curious to know if he shipped them before they were completely ripe, or if at the peak of freshness and flavor they were crated and sent to the factory.
  The reason I am curious, is because I recently had the opportunity to visit the Young Living Farm in Mona, Utah. There were huge Lavender and Clary Sage fields there, along with, what I would refer to as 'teaching fields.' A Distillery was on site. At the time of our tour, Juniper shavings were being distilled. One of the things that most intrigues me about Young Living, is that although their oils are in such high demand, they only harvest and distill the plants when they are at the PEAK of freshness, and perfectly ripe. Recently, a whole harvest was sold and not processed because the plants were harvested too early.
  There are 10 company farms that Young Living owns, and several that are considered Partner Farms. This assures perfect quality every time.
   No under-ripe peaches here.....thank you Young Living!