What do you see...?

   Several weeks ago when we thought Spring might be around the corner...I took a drive through the beautiful and nationally recognized cemetery and arboretum, Spring Grove. It was quite a beautiful morning with azure blue skies and wispy clouds. Depending on the amount of time I have to wander about, these little drives may be as short as 15 minutes, or as long as an hour. This is most often determined by my mood and nothing else. Feeling a bit more adventurous, the drive may be especially slow. Stopping the car for a better look, or taking a picture is never out of the question. This Cemetery predates the Civil War, and is an amazing world full of information and mystery. 
  Driving through the park, there was a tree. An amazing tree. It reminded me of the tree in the movie Avatar. You know, the one with all the wispy things all around it. Being in a cemetery, it also prompted me to think of the Tree of Life. There were 2 trees placed in the Garden of Eden. One was the Tree of Good and Evil, the other was the Tree of Life.

Genesis 2:9 - And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

As we know, Eve was tempted by Satan and partook of the fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil. Because of this, Adam also partook and was cast out of the garden with Eve.  

Genesis 3:24 - So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden, Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

  I didn't see any flaming swords there...but the beauty was palatable. 
  Color, texture, contrast and composition have always been a staple in my life. Not only were my parents artists and painters, they were teachers. As a family, we often drove to the Toledo Museum of Art for a Sunday afternoon stroll through the galleries there. There was no surprise when I decided to attend college and receive a Bachelors of Art...in Art.  
  Although the shifting colors of the leaves from summer to autumn is beautiful, my true love is Winter changing to Spring. There are no words to describe the anticipation and hint of the wonder to come...when the least...tiny...bit...of color starts to break through the black wiry branches of dead winter trees. The lightest of pinks turning to purple as the tree breaks forth in full bloom. The regal white blossoms of blooming trees along highways and city streets. Even turning a corner of a small cemetery path, only to find the magnificence of The Tree of Life in all it's glory....sans the flaming sword. 
  So, dear friends...this begs the question...this spring as you look out at the changing landscapes...what do you see?
  

Failures of my life....

     It was just one of those normal days. Rummaging through my dresser drawers for a work-out shirt. Not just any work-out shirt, what used to be my very favorite work-out shirt was forefront on my mind. In the bottom of the last drawer I did not find the shirt I was searching, but did see a glimpse of an old t-shirt. This t-shirt was from one of my past businesses. 
   One of my favorite things to do is to watch way too much tv. I am addicted to the contest variety. It could be cooking (Iron Chef), baking (Cupcake Wars), clothing design (Project Runway), even Tattoo artists (Ink Master!). The spur-of-the-moment design and creative thought process is exciting to me. Contestants from different backgrounds and experiences bring another level of intrigue to the concept and engage me as a viewer. 
  This afternoon as I munched on a late lunch, Project Runway's latest episode graced my tv. I record the series so it can be enjoyed at any time throughout my day. This particular show was near the end of the season. The contestants were being culled from 4 to a mere 3 for the final runway show. As the judges for this chapter of the competition called the final 3 names, one last contestant was left standing. The final 4 men (they all happened to be men this season), had developed such a strong bond that they were all emotional with the impending departure of their fellow designer. The style of the show always allows for a 'final interview' or 'final thoughts' of the person who is not moving on to the next round of competition. In this interview, the designer was humble for his time at the show, grateful for the critiques he had gotten from the judges, encouraging to the remaining contestants to do their very best. He talked about how this was not a loss. The time spent was encouraging him to do more, to do better and to continue to grow as a designer. He was kind and gracious. 
   Last year my husband and I started the process of closing down our photography business. I say started, because although we were no longer taking on new clients and sessions, we still had contracted events and weddings to photograph. Cherryblossom Design had been our family business for 8 years. When the offer came for my husband to work for a photography studio as the Studio Manager, we took time to really consider if this was the best choice for our family. It didn't take long for us to understand that this opportunity was put in front of us for a reason, and that we should leave our business and move forward. It was also very difficult for us to not feel like we had failed. That's what it means, right? Close your business. Failed at business. It is the same. 
   The t-shirts. There they were. I had 2 custom frame stores, one in Lima and one in Dayton. Both closed. Now CBD was closed too. How do I rectify having these businesses but not being able to keep them open? how am I not a failure? 
   Funny thing. I don't feel like a failure. I tried. I tried very very hard to make my stores successful. I worked up to the day I gave birth to Sam. I went back to work the week after I gave birth to Madeline. I went to framing conventions, I read magazines, I practiced. We moved from Lima to Dayton because there just wasn't enough business to continue. Then, we left Dayton when we had an offer to work at a big box framer that was moving to Cincinnati. Nope, I couldn't keep a storefront open. But I tried... How many people do you know that wanted to open a business, but never tried. Never tried. I did. I did it and failed. But I did it. 
   My husband and I talked a long long time before starting our own photography business. We tried to think of every kind of scenario that we might encounter. Gosh, we had a good run. One year we even had 42 weddings. Forty-two! Why didn't it work? Well...there you are wrong. It did work. We worked together. Together we had some very long days and nights. Early morning phone calls, rain delays, sick brides. Even death. We lost a parent one very very long weekend. There was a full-day coverage wedding, couple hours sleep, long drive to the funeral where I spoke the eulogy. Yea. We gave it everything we had and more. Failure? nope. How can you look at years of success, happy clients, beautiful work- probably the most creative work you have ever done...and say it was a failure. Success comes in many forms. Sometimes the time frame is just a bit shorter than you think it will be. 

How the Cub Scouts are changing my life....

    It isn't really a secret. The people who know me best, my family for example. Or, rather, my daughters in particular, know this. I can be a Nervous Nelly. I can be a Very Nervous Nelly around children. Not exactly all children, but loud, active, miss behaving, bad mannered, obnoxious children. Just those. I like well behaved children. You know, the ones you don't constantly need to watch and worry over. It also is not a secret that I do not (unless I am required too) ever (ever ever ever) go to events where there are likely to be unrestrained and unwatched and unmonitored children. Yep, I do not go to church Christmas parties or Hallowe'en Parties. I have been seen at an occasional Labor Day church picnic, but that is only because there is unlimited area for me to escape into.  
   Can you even imagine my surprise when I was asked to be the Assistant Pack Leader for our church Cub Scout troop? Hmmm. There was a moment when I looked to the sky, pointed a finger and said,"this is a joke, right? You are just being funny." Nope, no such luck. Rarely do I turn down a Calling for my church. Usually if I am asked to teach classes or head up a department of some kind, I am all on board. Even if it is a challenge and completely foreign to me, it will be accepted. I try my best, and learn so much more than I would have thought possible. Thus, I knew when I was asked, that this was not a joke. It was time for me to s-t-r-e-t-c-h my faith, my confidence, my knowledge, my friendships. Yuck. I'd love to say I just jumped right at the chance, but I didn't. There was no whining, or bad mouthing the opportunity...there was just no enthusiasm. No drive, no interest. And I was nervous. Very very nervous. 
  Blessings come in many ways. For this new Cub Scout opportunity (yes, let's call it that- an opportunity)...there were blessings in the form of incredibly talented, loving, sensible leaders. Our Den Leaders are amazing and truly gifts from God. Their knowledge is tantamount to our Pack being successful. I had not been a part of Cubs for many years. Their information and enthusiasm was a major part of the life line I felt that kept me afloat those first months. Not long before I was called, there was a new (brand new, never been a part of the Cub Scout program at-all. Ever. Never ever) Pack leader. She is truly the driving force that helps all the ends come together in a cohesive way. She is my rock for sure.
   The beginning of this year, we organized and planned our first Pinewood Derby and our first ever Blue and Gold Banquet. Did everything go perfectly? nope, not in the least. But did everyone have fun. Yes, yes they did. More importantly, the boys had fun. Even better, they were proud to be Cub Scouts. 
   There is no guarantee that my Pack Leader or any of our Den Leaders or even I, will be in these positions next year. Any of us could be asked to do some other church assignment. What I do know is that I was put here to stretch and grow and to get over myself a little bit. The boys are amazing. They want to come to Cubs. They want to wear their shirts. They want to earn their belt loops. They want to carry the flag every week. I love hearing them say the Pledge of Allegiance every Tuesday night. They show me they are ready to move forward with their knowledge and skills. I guess I need to remember that too. 
   Funny thing...not long after I started with Cubs, my husband and I were called to teach the 6 Year Old Primary (Sunday School) class. There are 2 students. Both are boys. Yep, I'm learning all right....funny. Really funny.... 

Oh my Goodness...who has the FLU?

Nope, contrary to the picture, not me. For once in my adult life!

It's crazy this year, isn't it? All the scary information about how many flu strains? Did you know that the flu germies stay on a surface for 24 hours?! Yikes! I swear, the older I get, the more of a germaphobe I am! (and yes, I did look up that spelling...and there are 2! like this isn't confusing enough!).

Yep, every single year, it (IT) would hit my household, and honestly, it may still get us. However, as of this moment, we have escaped any sign. Every year someone would catch 'it'...and the love would spread to the rest of the family. There were years where this was most spectacular. (We can be overachievers at times). Oh my...come close...but not too close...and I will tell you a story...

Early January there is a huge 2 day bridal show in Cincinnati. By most counts, there are hundreds of brides that attend. They do not attend alone...really, what bride would? no. They come with girlfriends, mom's, sometimes dad's and fiance's. The fact there is usually a Boat Show also going on at the same convention center at the same time...might have something to do with this...but I regress. There we are, in close proximity trying our best to deliver our message of hope and photography, speaking over the DJ's and other conversations around us. Get the picture? Well, one year my husband and both got it...on the 1^st day. I don't even remember coming home that night, but I am most certain that I just crawled into my bed and pretty much passed out. Ever been there? Yep, that was day 1. Then there was day 2. He would glance at me, give the nod that meant 'I'll be right back'. Or I would stand behind him and whisper, 'I gotta go!' Yes, This was the day that my dear husband and I took turns running (walking really really fast) out of the hall so we could be sick, alone and unencumbered into any dumpster that would be closest to the doors. Somehow we made it through the event, packed up our huge display, loaded the car and made it home. But. What did we find as we shuffled into the house that night? All 3 children were sprawled on the couches. Each were holding a variety of bowl or bucket of their choice. The Christmas tree was knocked over and on the floor in the middle of the living room. Towels not-so-carefully lined the carpet from the couches to the bathroom. We took one glance at the kids and went to bed.

This was years ago when there was just 'the flu' season and not 'THE FLU that could kill you' season. Now we look back at the ridiculousness of that weekend and chuckle. I do have to say though, that as we returned to the same wedding show this year, I was a bit nervous. It was projected to have over 700 brides and guests. I'm happy to report, we got through it...lots and lots of Thieves Hand Sanitizer! But we did it. So...to all my dear friends and loved ones...be careful!

And as Mama would say 'Hey! Did you Wash Your Hands?'

Till' next time!***

Morning walks .....

    Every weekday morning I wake up at 6am...which is kind of a miracle since I normally don't get to bed until 12 midnight or later. Sam is up shortly after. At 6:42am we are in the car and driving to the school so Sam can be on the bus to his Business/Tech school by 6:51am. Every day...EVERY DAY...when I get up I think to myself...'after I drop Sam off, I can go back to bed.'  By the time I get dressed, put in contact lenses, talk with Sam about the schedule for the day, drive to the school...I am awake. At this point, my thoughts turn to making the choice of where to take my morning walk. Most days, I go to a local park...very large park...with walking trails...called Winton Woods.
   There was a particular Wednesday in October that was such a morning. Even though I had heard on the radio that there might be rain moving into the area, I was committed to taking my walk. Or as my dad would call it, 'my daily constitution.' At 7am not only was the park empty, it was still dark. I love this time of day. Love hearing the animals and birds chattering their morning greetings. It is serene. It is rare these days, but I don't carry my phone, or listen to music on my walks.  For some reason, this distracts me from the beauty of the natural landscape around me.
    Off I go...fairly slow to begin, but I'm not in a race...I will slowly build my pace throughout the trail. In the center of Winton Woods is a lake that is large enough for small fishing and paddle boats. The main walking path is around the lake and over 2 bridges. I have watched deer cross my path, and a Blue Heron stand silently on rocks in the water, heard both ducks and geese call to one another through the morning fog. It is delicious.  I need this connection with nature on a daily basis. It centers me.
    I rarely take my phone with me on my walks. If it is used at all, the camera setting is chosen over all the rest. Most days, I miss the very best pictures, because I am not carrying my phone.
    Thus it was on one Wednesday in October. I set off in semi-darkness, counting my blessings along the way. As my path lead toward the main Pavilion, the sky was getting brighter. For a little while, my view was obstructed...but as I came to a plaza area which offered an open view of the eastern sky...I was delighted to see the beginnings of a brilliant sunrise.
    The rain forecast allowed for unusual cloud patterns. The golden sunrise gave pattern and depth to everything it touched. I stood still, enveloped by the deep purple night giving way to light pink, orange and yellow that could only be enhanced by the rain clouds forming overhead. Words cannot describe the unbridled beauty of nature for that moment. And it was truly only moments of this morning sun perfection.
   Within 10 minutes, this array of natures glory had already peaked and began to fade. Turning my back to the water to continue my journey, I beheld brilliant golden trees overhead. The rising sun was high enough to touch the tops of the trees and expose them to a wonder of color. Mesmerizing. Literally stopping in my tracks at the surprise of light and color. I felt as if I needed to breathe deeply and allow every sense become immersed in the moment of the scene before me.
  Again, as the sun rose higher on the horizon, the colors of the trees changed, the light became muted, I moved my feet and began my walk again. Throughout the rest of my musings that morning as I greeted fellow walkers on the trails, I thought about the significance of that sunrise. It was obvious to me that very few people had the opportunity to view those beautiful colors at the peak of it's brilliance. It amazed me how very short lived the whole experience was.
  One of the bridges over the Winton Woods lake is a combination road and walking trail. Winton Road is a major north-south thoroughfare and the commuting traffic is very heavy in the early dawn hours. Although the road opens on the bridge and there would had been a beautiful view, the concentration of traffic would impede any likely observance except for a brief glance at the sunrise.
  What I have long known, is how quickly life, patterns, goals, strategy's, opinions, and knowledge can change. When I first thought about righting this blog about my observations of that morning, I had plans to tie the brief moment of optimum color of the sunrise to my dear Young Living experiences with their farming and harvesting choices. Waiting until the precious peek at the true moment of ripeness and then swooping in to harvest then and only then...watching carefully to avoid harvesting too early or too late.
  However, the story of the sunrise is even bigger than harvesting plants. It is about knowing that each moment, choice, goal, decision has a peek moment. Even every emotion has a peek moment of complete fullness...it is the moment when you cannot go back, and, almost like a roller coaster that sits at the top of a hill, there is a time when you can only move forward. Sitting at the top is no longer an option, just as the sun cannot stop it's sunrise and must rise in the sky.
     The end of Autumn is here, winter is waiting. Ask yourself...is this the peak of this experience? is this the peak of this family gathering? is this the peak of my contribution this year? is this the very best I can do? what more can I do? what more can I say?
    And as always....love those around you- neighbors, family, friends or strangers...you may be their peak...the only moment of calm, love, friendship, patience, concern...that they feel today.

The Day Before. The Terrible Terrible Day. Days, Weeks, Months....Years.

      It is that day. THAT day. I don't know what else to call it...it is The Day Before. The Day Before my life changed. The Day Before my normal wasn't normal any more. The Day Before I knew true grief. The Day before I found out how strong one person can be.
     Four years ago tomorrow, my son died of a Heroin overdose. 4 years. ago.
    I hate this week. Usually the whole month of August sucks. 4 years. So, this year, I've managed to get through most of the summer on a pretty good note...even knowing that The Terrible Terrible Day is coming. And that I cannot stop it.
    Those of us who have been chosen to experience this in our lives...understand that the grief of losing a child never leaves you. We understand that we have to accept 'the new normal.' I kind of really hate that phrase...The New Normal. Mostly, because, nothing ever again will be...normal. Really. I mean, maybe other parents spend a considerable amount of time wondering how the rest of their children will die? wonder if we will have to live through this again? wonder why we have to continue on, even though we have no real reason? or are constantly looking for affirmations of their children in butterflies or coins on the sidewalk...Nope, I think those things are pretty much reserved for us. The grieving parents.
   I have to say, I think, really...we all want one thing. Especially as the years pass by. We just don't want our child to be forgotten. Our society is good about remembering hero's or people who have accomplished much in their lives, those that have sacrificed on our behalf. My son didn't do any of those things really. But I will tell you what he did do, who he was...Joey had an easy smile, a big no-holds-barred smile, and charisma. Lots of charisma. He made friends easily and had a great sense of humor. He was a hard worker, and didn't mind getting dirty to finish a job. He was growing up to be a great man.
     He made a fatal choice. At one point, my husband was surprised that I told people how he died. Am I embarrassed? of course I am. I am a mother...how does this not effect how I feel about myself? what kind of mother I was? what I could have done...more? In the end, I knew that it was his choice, not mine. Only this, helped my heart start to heal.
    What have I learned over the last 4 years? life is hard, and sometimes it is totally unfair. But there is always hope. And there is certainly goodness...goodness of neighbors or friends who hurt because you hurt.
     I dread and hate The Day Before. I wish The Terrible Terrible Day would never come. But it will. And after....there will always be another day, another week, another month....and I will continue to learn how to live this pseudo life. 

Lot's of thoughts...many meanderings....

  Well, here we go, the very first post. Just because I have not posted does not mean I do not have anything to say....in fact, quite the opposite is true. There are so many different post subjects swimming around in my head it is hard to settle down and write just one.
  So, on our trip to Milwaukee this weekend, I had time (about 6 hours in fact) to write script posts in my head....and settled on this...

   Growing up, my Grandpa Davis had a fruit farm. We were blessed to eat fresh apples, peaches, pears, cherries, plums and various berries throughout my childhood. As I was a self-serving child, I really didn't take much interest in exactly how this was an opportunity that many many other families did not enjoy, or even understand. Fresh fruit. Fresh...off the tree...deliciousness. To my distress, I didn't understand this blessing in my life until...the day I realized I never bought peaches from Kroger. Nope, never. Some of you right now are nodding your head in agreement....YES! hmmm...why? easy answer...they are rock hard. Why? They must be picked before they are ripe to be transported to the stores... Ugh. Travesty.
  For a period of time (I don't know how long), my grandfather sold cherries to Thank You brand to be used in pie filling. I would be curious to know if he shipped them before they were completely ripe, or if at the peak of freshness and flavor they were crated and sent to the factory.
  The reason I am curious, is because I recently had the opportunity to visit the Young Living Farm in Mona, Utah. There were huge Lavender and Clary Sage fields there, along with, what I would refer to as 'teaching fields.' A Distillery was on site. At the time of our tour, Juniper shavings were being distilled. One of the things that most intrigues me about Young Living, is that although their oils are in such high demand, they only harvest and distill the plants when they are at the PEAK of freshness, and perfectly ripe. Recently, a whole harvest was sold and not processed because the plants were harvested too early.
  There are 10 company farms that Young Living owns, and several that are considered Partner Farms. This assures perfect quality every time.
   No under-ripe peaches here.....thank you Young Living!